The birthday cake has been eaten, the presents have been opened, and the balloons are deflated. My youngest daughter celebrated her 2nd birthday last week, and I thought it might be kind of fun to reminisce a little about life with Laney. Although, if you're expecting a heartfelt and nostalgic look into the past I may disappoint you. There will be no "Oh, where did the time go?" or "Couldn't she just be a baby again for one more day?" type sentiments from me. At the ripe old age of two, I think it's safe to say that the baby days are safely behind us, and here's what I have to say...
HALLELUJAH!!! PRAISE THE LORD ABOVE!!! Also, if you could see me right now I'd be doing a little happy dance. Picture "The Carlton." There, you've got it.
Three words. High. Needs. Baby. I had one, in every sense of the phrase. It is a real thing. Trust me. If you had one you would know. Without a doubt. Of course some babies may be high needs in some areas of their lives, but mine fit into every category of Dr. Sears' 12 Features of a High Needs Baby. So I've decided to make my own list, based on my own personal experiences.
You Know You Have A High Needs Baby If...
1. You spent the first two months of her life trying to figure out what was medically wrong with her. "For the love of God, someone please help me figure out what is wrong with my child! Because then we can fix it, right? Right?!"
2. Your baby's cries reach an intensity and level of shrillness you never knew existed before. Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia's definition of shrillness. "A word used to describe the quality of sounds that have a high-pitched, strident, raucous, screeching or harsh character [...] can also be used to describe a widely recognized and puzzling phenomenon whereby certain sounds are perceived as psychologically painful..." Psychologically painful? Sounds accurate to me.
3. A pacifier does anything but pacify your baby. This is the distinct communication I got from my baby when trying to offer a pacifier. "What the hell did you just try to put in my mouth?! Are you kidding me?! Get it out! GET IT OUT! What do you think I am, stupid?! Where's the real boob?!"
4. You've ever uttered the words, "She's sucking the life out of me," to the nice midwife at your six week postpartum check-up. And truly meant it.
5. The baby swing and bouncy seat have collected a layer of dust. You feel naked when you're not wearing your baby. Your baby carrier has become a part of your body, one as necessary as your heart or lungs. You do not leave home without it. Ever.
6. You have chosen to disregard all advice and have your baby sleep in your bed. It was the only way I survived the first eight months. The only way.
7. Car rides are like a form of medieval torture. All babies sleep in the car, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Other babies hate the car with a passion so strong they cannot control it, and the screaming ensues. Five minute ride or 50 minute ride. Doesn't matter. My coping mechanisms usually included fantasizing about driving myself off the road, or as a significantly better alternative, turning the radio volume up to a level certainly unacceptable with children in the car. Hey, I was only hanging onto a shred of sanity by that point. Cut me some slack. Must be that psychologically painful thing again. (See #2)
5. The baby swing and bouncy seat have collected a layer of dust. You feel naked when you're not wearing your baby. Your baby carrier has become a part of your body, one as necessary as your heart or lungs. You do not leave home without it. Ever.
6. You have chosen to disregard all advice and have your baby sleep in your bed. It was the only way I survived the first eight months. The only way.
7. Car rides are like a form of medieval torture. All babies sleep in the car, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Other babies hate the car with a passion so strong they cannot control it, and the screaming ensues. Five minute ride or 50 minute ride. Doesn't matter. My coping mechanisms usually included fantasizing about driving myself off the road, or as a significantly better alternative, turning the radio volume up to a level certainly unacceptable with children in the car. Hey, I was only hanging onto a shred of sanity by that point. Cut me some slack. Must be that psychologically painful thing again. (See #2)
8. Your baby's breastfeeding "schedule" is nonexistent. Nursing 16 times a day is a completely normal occurrence. (See #4)
9. Upon arriving back home after a night out your babysitter immediately asks for a beer, and then downs it in five minutes flat. This is even more impressive when the babysitter is your mother, who normally has trouble finishing a beer in less than two hours.
10. You've ever wondered if your baby is bipolar. Her mood swings could rival that of any tween-age girl. Easily. Happiest baby on the block? Bride of Chucky? You're never quite sure which one you'll be dealing with.
Sounds fun, huh? But all joking aside, once I finally gave in and accepted my daughter the way she was, it really wasn't that bad. I mean, we survived anyway. And you know what high needs babies turn into? High spirited toddlers. And that is an absolutely remarkable thing to witness.
If someone told me tomorrow that I would have to start over, back at the beginning, day one. Would I cry and beg and plead for mercy? Probably. But I would do it. In a heartbeat. How could I not? Look at that face.
9. Upon arriving back home after a night out your babysitter immediately asks for a beer, and then downs it in five minutes flat. This is even more impressive when the babysitter is your mother, who normally has trouble finishing a beer in less than two hours.
10. You've ever wondered if your baby is bipolar. Her mood swings could rival that of any tween-age girl. Easily. Happiest baby on the block? Bride of Chucky? You're never quite sure which one you'll be dealing with.
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Sounds fun, huh? But all joking aside, once I finally gave in and accepted my daughter the way she was, it really wasn't that bad. I mean, we survived anyway. And you know what high needs babies turn into? High spirited toddlers. And that is an absolutely remarkable thing to witness.
If someone told me tomorrow that I would have to start over, back at the beginning, day one. Would I cry and beg and plead for mercy? Probably. But I would do it. In a heartbeat. How could I not? Look at that face.
And really, isn't that what motherhood is all about? Making sacrifices, doing anything to make sure they thrive. You love your children like crazy. Even though you may not like them all the time.
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