Biannual Housecleaning (And My Brain On Drugs)

Okay, biannual might be a bit of an exaggeration. But let me explain something about how my brain works. I clean my house once every four to five weeks. I'm talking the bigger jobs, windows, mirrors, dust, kitchen, bathroom, sweep, mop, vacuum. That's the short version of my cleaning list. A little dirt really does not bother me. A few crumbs on the floors, fine. A layer of dust on the furniture, no problem. Unknown organisms starting to grow in the toilet, I'm good with that. I'm helping to build up our immune systems. That's what I tell myself.

Clutter, on the other hand. Agh! CLUTTER! I cannot handle it. Everyone remembers that drug-free campaign from the 80s, "This is your brain on drugs," with the egg in the frying pan.

That is what my brain is like when my house is cluttered. Except for it's probably more like scrambled eggs. That seems like a better metaphor. Everything has a place. Nothing is left out on counters, tables, dressers, unless it belongs there. Otherwise....scrambled eggs. I'm dead serious. I've learned to live with it.

So it's that time of the month, housecleaning, that is. It normally takes me about four hours to work through the entire list. I remember back when I used to do everything all in one day. So simple, right? Half a day of cleaning and I'm done for another month. Yahoo! Now, with two little kids at home? Not so simple anymore. It's turned into more of a housecleaning week.

Yesterday I decided to try and challenge myself. The oldest would be gone all day at school. I'd only have one child at home to account for. I WILL get this all done in one day!

And I did! Granted, half of it was done during naptime, but the parts that weren't involved a couple setbacks, one being vacuuming. My two year old has likened the vacuum cleaner to a rabid dog, which means I have to hold her while I'm vacuuming. At least for the first 10 minutes. After she's figured out that it's not going to chase her and gnaw her hand off then she's good to go. Then she wants to play with it.

Another problem I encountered, I get out my handy dandy Swiffer Wet Jet, push the button to spray the floor, and nothing happens. It's broken. Alright, I can handle this. Pinterest to the rescue! I'll just make a homemade floor cleaner and put it in a spray bottle to spray the floor myself. Except for the only spray bottle I can find to put the cleaner in is the one I put water in for brushing the girls' hair in the mornings. Whatever. I'm using it. I'll clean it out afterwards. I refuse to get down on my hands and knees with a bucket and a sponge and wash the floors the old fashioned way. First of all, I don't even own a sponge. Gross! Secondly, what do I look like, Cinderella?! This is 2014, nobody really does that shit anymore, right? (If you do, please don't tell me. I'll probably just pretend I didn't hear you.)

So there you have it. DONE! I managed to clean my whole house in one day. The girls' hair may have had a faint smell of vinegar and dish soap this morning, but I'm HOME FREE for the rest of the week!